On Thursday night, I had a wobbly moment. An albeit brief moment, but a wobbly moment nonetheless. I had a cry on my sofa, then I poured myself a (very large) gin, and I went to bed after about another four of those gins looking like Bridget Jones, only more tragic because I have two cats.
I woke up on Friday morning feeling rather fresh considering the circumstances and abundance of gin that I’d consumed thenight before, but still feeling a bit fed up, so I put on some loud music and I got the fuck on with my day, because even Queen Bey herself says;
“Whenever I feel bad, I use the feeling to motivate me to work harder. I only allow myself one day to feel sorry for myself.”
In the end, I had the best weekend I’ve had in ages!!! It’s impossible not laugh when there’s a beach, jet ski’s, dancing and friends involved!
I confided in a few of my friends about my wobbly moment and they put some things into perspective for me and thanks to my friends, armed with kind words and solid advice, I am feeling much more optimistic about life. I’m not even going to lose sleep over whatever that Thursday night glitch was! And after all, what are friends for!?
Once upon a time, I went through a phase of asking people, what was the best piece of advice they’d ever been given? Personally, the best piece of advice ever given to me, was from my Granda during my early twenties where he told me, (quite bluntly)
“If a boy ever tells you that he doesn’t know what he wants, then he doesn’t want you.”
That piece of advice – although a hard pill to swallow at the time, has helped me decipher the time wasters from the keepers in life. Since that day, I have always maintained that regardless of circumstance, if someone really wants you in their life, they’ll create the time and space for you. If someone tells you they’re not interested, then girls, I beg you, please, believe them, they are not interested. Don’t waste your energy on trying to change their mind!
When I put the question to an ex colleague of mine, her answer really resonated with me. She said that the best piece of advice she’d ever been offered was,
“Don’t try to change a person. If you can’t change the things that you don’t like about yourself, then how will you ever be able to change another person’s behaviour?”
There’s so many things that I would like to change about myself and yet somehow, despite my continuous efforts, I still haven’t managed to. You need to love and accept a person exactly for who they are, and love them despite everything they are not, and that can be very difficult sometimes. My mum had to remind me of this a few months ago when I felt really let down by a friend. She reminded me that I am not perfect either and while I can be a good friend to people in some aspects, I can be bad friend in other aspects. She kindly reminded me of another gem of advice (one that I liked so much so, that when I found it printed on a postcard, I bought it and framed it in my bedroom);
When someone does something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right.
For example, I would say I am a very loyal friend, but I’ll be late to the majority of coffee/lunch/dinner plans, and while I know my lateness drives my friends demented, it something that I really dislike about myself, and yet struggle to change. If you can’t accept the flaws of the person, cut your losses and move on, but appreciate the people that love you despite of your own imperfections.
“Out of sight, out of mind.”
The holy grail of advice in my opinion and God knows where it is derived from, but whoever said it clearly nailed it. As the saying goes, ignorance really is bliss.
Think about it like this; there’s a big bag of Malteasers, directly in your line of sight next to the TV while you’re sat watching your most current binge boxset (mine is Peaky Blinders). After noticing the shiny red packet glinting away, you’re distracted and can’t stop thinking about them, and before you know it, the opening credits have barely graced the screen and already you’re frantically tearing open the packet like a gannet, cramming three into your mouth at a time. Now, if they were hidden away nicely at the back of the cupboard, it probably wouldn’t have even occurred to you to open them, let alone inhale an entire sharing bag of their chocolatey goodness. Nope – you’d be too busy being distracted by Tom Hardy’s muscles and Cillian Murphy’s ocean coloured eyes to even give those Malteasers a second thought, and therefore, the same theory can be applied to pretty much every other situation that you do not want to engage in. How will you ever forget someone or get over something that causes you upset if it’s literally paraded in your face constantly, and when you least expect it??? Unfollowing, unfriend-ing, deleting, binning and distracting yourself may be considered petty by some people, but it is the most simple modern-day equivalent of wearing human blinkers, and there is a good reason for putting blinkers on horses you know…
(referencing horses??? definitely over doing it on the Peaky Blinders front!)
So go on, banish that absolute cretin to the depths of cyberspace. After a week or so, they might* notice you unfollowed them, but by that time you’ll be feeling infinitely better for not being bombarded by their constant photo stream of #lovinglife and #blessed posts every time you refresh your newsfeed. Plus, we are only human after all, and as humans, resistance is futile. By banishing their online presence into cyber space, you remove the temptation to creep on their page, which let’s face it, is only going to be banally boring or heartbreaking-ly hurtful. I’m sure you’re familiar with the proverb, ‘curiosity killed the cat’? Exactly!!! Enough said!
So, these are a few of my most treasured words of wisdom from me (AKA the not so wise), to you (AKA probably the much wiser), and while I’m definitely not the wisest of people and will probably still be making mistakes in my seventies, I have compiled a list of other sound advice for you (and me) to remember in the event of an impending wobbly moment.
Don’t trust what you see, even salt looks like sugar. (he might not look like a fuckboy from the outside, but proceed with caution and assume he is until he proves otherwise.)
Another woman’s beauty is not the absence of your own. (just ’cause she’s beautiful doesn’t mean that you aren’t – you can both be pretty! There’s enough room for all the babes. It’s not a competition – well, unless you’re in a beauty pageant…)
Work hard in silence, let your success be your noise. (You don’t need to post every single work out publicly, know what I mean?)
A diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure. (If you work hard enough, you can flourish into a diamond too!)
Trust that when the answer is no, there’s a better yes down the road. (There’s a bigger, better opportunity waiting for you somewhere down the line!)
If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door. (Find an alternative route, maybe like a window…)
Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. (like that boy you fancied in school who found drugs and excessive alcohol in uni and now, who even knows what happened to him!? Turns out, that was a lucky escape!)
When something feels “off”, it is. (Always trust your gut instinct. It’s NEVER failed me yet.)
Tomorrow could be the someday you’re waiting for. (Go to bed and you never know, tomorrow you might win the lottery. Preferably the Euro-Millions, and then you can have an altogether new set of problems to worry about!)
You don’t have to see the whole stair case, just take the first step (Baby steps, add up to big steps, adds up to bigger leaps, and before you know, BAM! You’re running a marathon and that finish line is your goal!)
And finally, if you’re freaking out about life and decisions, just remember this, very few things in life are final – having a child, and ending your life are irreversible, obviously, but everything else is just a series of decisions that can be changed and reversed accordingly. If you always remember that, then all your decisions seems a lot less scary! And if this blogpost doesn’t rid you of The Fear, then I don’t know what will!
You might also want to play this motivational playlist – it lasts 40 minutes so you have enough time drag yourself into a shower and throw on your crown before you annihilate your day and get on with being an absolute queen). I also recomend reading Sarah Knight’s latest book which I bought at Christmas. It’s very funny and also very true!
*(probably not though)