Being an adult is hard. It really, wasn’t what I signed up for. Not only do I want a refund, but I also want compensation for all the hidden fine clauses, as well as a free emotional support animal who is <unlike my recently adopted pet> a lap cat.
I was cradling my coffee in one hand and refreshing my emails with the other. “I think my thumb is getting a cramp. Or repetitive strain injury. Either one.” “Stop checking… you wanted to leave anyway!” Boyfriend rolled his eyes at me. “You’re right. I wish they would just hurry up and email me though; … Continue reading BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR?
“Stop touching your face, Pam.” Boyfriend tutted at me as we were waiting for the lifts. I internally eye-rolled at him, and my tone of voice said just as much. “I KNOW”. “Well, why do you keep doing it then?” “BECAUSE THE BLOODY FACE MASK THAT WE HAVE BEEN TOLD TO WEAR IS TOO BIG … Continue reading LITTLE FACE ISSUES
Since so many of you have been asking about my favourite skincare products, (JOKES-literally not a single person has ever asked me this but I’m going to show you anyway) my top five favourite products that keep me looking like a functioning human when I feel more like I’ve just finished my 8th round in … Continue reading NO-ONE ASKED BUT I’M TELLING YOU
It’s the third week of quarantine here in Dubai, and we are now on a 24 hour lock down. We don’t have that privilege that they have in the UK, where you’re allowed out once a day for exercise… we can’t even go to the supermarket without obtaining a permit from the police first. Not … Continue reading QUARANTINE DAY… ?
Just like the Sinead O ‘Connor song, It has in fact been (approximately) seven hours and fifteen days, since I: wore mascara did my fake tan wore a socially acceptable outfit I think it’s the longest time in my adult life, where I’ve really let myself ‘go’. Although, as I write it, It doesn’t really summarise the point I’m trying … Continue reading QUARANT-QUEEN
The airport wasn’t even five minutes behind me when I saw the monstrous billboard advertisement by Heineken. Holiday troubles are part of the tradition, enjoy them. Accurate, I told myself as we whizzed on past, weaving through the onslaught of mopeds and scooters. Mario Kart, but with more traffic. But this wasn’t a virtual reality. … Continue reading BALI KNOW ITS
Today marks the tenth day of Christmas, and the first day of opening my advent calendar. I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, that one of the only perks of being an air hostess is that whilst you’re traveling, you amass a backlog of chocolate advent calendar windows to open upon your return. Luckily, that meant that … Continue reading A REALISTIC LETTER TO SANTA
“I think you could write a book. Kind of, an anecdote of ‘Why Men Love Bitches’. You could call it something like, ‘What Not To Say In A Relationship’. A bit like ‘How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days’. Those sort of vibes.”